Depression: Helping a Friend in Need

by Catie Hollingsworth

Seeing a friend depressed is something that most of us all have to deal with. And considering a lot of the situations that occur these days that hurt us, being there for your friend is something that we all want to do to help them. The question is – what exactly do we do? Sometimes we feel hesitant or shy to approach someone in need because we’re afraid that we’ll say or do the wrong thing, and hurt them more. Though, we have to realize that when someone is depressed, the most precious thing they have or can hold on to is you, and you need to be there for them as much as possible.

How do I know my friend is depressed? Depression is explained as the deepest crest of sadness. It usually occurs during drastic times of people’s lives – after a loss (death, for example), relationship problems, school, grades, stress, etc. Anything can trigger depression – big or small. It depends on the person, the situation and the events that are happening within the person’s life. You can notice the physical signs of a depressed person by passiveness, a change in habits or moods (lack of sleep or anxiety), attitude or mood swings or verbal notions. Sometimes people are good at hiding depression through ‘acting’ happy and being untrue to their emotions, or being over-emotional or sensitive.

Depending on the current situation of their depression, there are a lot of ways of approaching someone and helping them. Generally, all situations of depression should be dealt with in an open-minded, understanding manor. Here are some pointers and tips on how to deal with a depressed friend.

1. Make sure they know you’re always there for them – no matter what. There will be times when a friend is too scared, embarrassed or hesitant to talk about problems in their life. It may be because they don’t know how to express their feelings, or they are afraid about what you will say when they tell you. Remember that you need to be there for them, no matter what. Make sure that they have your phone number at home, or a place they can contact you when they need to talk. Spend time with them to get acquainted with their problems. If they don’t want to talk about it, then try to get their mind off their problems. Take them to a movie or out to eat or something that will help them refresh their memories and help them be rational. Make sure they know that, no matter what they say, you’ll always be there to support them and help them with their decisions.
2. Try to notice cycles in how they approach their own depression. Many people have many different ways of approaching their own depression. Some people are very passive and like to bottle up their emotions. Sometimes, these people just need you to talk to them and take their mind of their emotions. You should never be forceful in trying to get a friend to tell you their feelings. There are also people who like to talk about their emotions. You should listen as much as you can and try to understand what they are feeling, so you can offer advice and help them out.
3. Always keep whatever they tell you confidential. Trust in important matters is very important. If a friend does not want their problems to be talked about amongst other people, and they make that really clear, than it is your responsibility to keep it contained. Of course, there are some cases wherein a friend may tell you something that is a matter that has to be told, or needs immediate attention from people who have more experience or know how to deal with delicate/harmful situations (i.e. suicidal attempts, drugs – anything to the immediate extreme). You must be careful in these types of ordeals, because your friend may be deeply hurt if you automatically go on and tell someone their problems. It may seem like the best way to go, but make sure you are delicate in coping with them, and that, if they are angry that you told someone, you convince them that it was out of concern and love that you told.
4. Get help from different sources. Sometimes, there are problems that we can’t solve ourselves, and need a second opinion. You can suggest your friend to talk to an older adult, counselor or someone who has more experience in dealing with what they are going through. If they are not the type to do that, then you yourself should talk to someone to get an opinion that you can tell your friend. In most cases, you are probably going to be the only one they really listen to and confide in.
5. Don’t be surprised if they appear unlike themselves. In some cases, friends may say or do things that are out of the ordinary. They may be more angry, passive or insulting. Realize that this may be their way of getting out their emotions. Be patient, kind and approach them cautiously but with care.

Remember, it is unconditional love that truly heals friends in their most troubled times – being there for them is the best thing you could give them!

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