Why Wait? Reasons to Abstain from Premarital Sex

By Dr. Dale Johnsen

Our society has bombarded us with the message that sex is great whenever you can get it, and that waiting for marriage is incredibly old-fashioned. This has tragically encouraged people to jump into bed together, and then minimizing or hiding the painful consequences of such a decision.

When God says that sex belongs only in the marriage bed, He isn’t trying to restrict our fun. He is not a cosmic killjoy bent on frustrating us, making us to enjoy sex only to severely limit us on when and with whom it is okay to experience that pleasure. God is not trying to keep us from having a wonderful sex life. He is merely showing us the way to enjoy it the best, giving us instructions on how to have the most wonderful sex life possible. After all, He created us, so He knows and wants what is best for us.

There are many good solid reasons to just say “no” to pre-marital sex:

Physical Reasons to Wait

1. God wants to protect you from the threat of sexually transmitted venereal diseases, twenty of which are not prevented by using contraceptives, and many of which are incurable.
2. God wants to protect you from the trauma of an unwanted pregnancy. No contraceptive is 100% foolproof; only abstinence prevents pregnancy. Being conceived out of wedlock would be a lifetime stigma and embarrassment to your child, and abortion is never an option, as it is the murderous shedding of innocent blood.
3. God wants to protect you from becoming addicted to sex before marriage. It is very easy to become “hooked” on sexual enjoyment that is so short-lived, creating a craving for another “fix” to appease your desires.

Emotional/Relational Reasons to Wait

1. Pre-marital sex can damage one’s self-image and can produce tremendous emotional insecurity by placing the person’s acceptance on a performance level. It often leads to a loss of respect for one another, which can sabotage a growing relationship. It is much better to regard your body as a savings account to give to your mate as a wedding present, not to be spent on anything else.
2. Pre-marital sex robs a person of a clear conscience, producing haunting guilt that results in great emotional stress. This causes a person to associate sex with guilt, feeling dirty, resentment over being used, and the fear of getting caught. These feelings can deeply affect the future marital relationship, robbing it of pleasure, or even preventing freedom of arousal, thus damaging and causing problems in the proper future enjoyment of the marriage bed.
3. Pre-marital sex takes away from time that should be spent on developing the relationship through verbal communication and discussion of future plans. It cheapens the relationship by misusing it for selfish reasons.
4. Pre-marital sex promotes a lax attitude about sexual purity that often results in later extra-marital affairs and makes divorce more likely.

Spiritual Reasons to Wait

1. 1 Corinthians 6:18-20 says: “Flee from sexual immorality. All others sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.”
2. Hebrews 13:4 says: “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.”
3. Read 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8 out loud, and discuss what it says.
4. Disobedience to God’s clear commands in this matter produces true guilt over the deliberate breaking of God’s moral law and rebelling against Christ’s right to be the Lord of your life. It damages your fellowship with God, blocks your prayer life, and robs you of receiving God’s blessing. Psalm 84:11 says: “No good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly.” (NASB)
5. Patience, waiting for the right time in God’s perfect plan, is one of the fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5:22-23. A wise person will avoid dangerous situations in order to not suffer the consequences of foolish behavior (Proverbs 27:12).
6. Pre-marital sex effectively destroys our Christian testimony among those who are not Christians (see Matthew 5:14,16 and Philippians 2:15).
7. Pre-marital sex results in righteous rejection and rebuke (and even church discipline – see 1 Corinthians 5:11) from those who are Christians. It also results in the loss of usefulness in one’s potential for future ministry in the church, in that laxity in moral character is a disqualification for spiritual leadership.

How far is too far? You should not “just” try to stop short of intercourse, but should build additional “fences” around your physical relationship. If it violates your own conscience, or if it overly arouses your sexual passions in a way that they cannot be righteously satisfied, or if visual nudity is involved, or if touching of private parts underneath clothing is involved, or if caressing of private parts above the clothing is involved, you have gone too far.

If you have committed sexual sin in the past, you need to seek and receive forgiveness from God (based on Psalm 51 and 1 John 1:9) and from the person with whom you were immorally involved, in order to obtain a clear conscience. Once this is done, you can begin to see yourself as a spiritual virgin again, being fully committed from this point on to remain morally pure.

Based on the above rationale, are you willing to make this commitment to God and to each other to refrain from any sexual activity until your wedding night?

Signed: _____________________________________________________

Date: ___________________________

Please keep this sheet as a record of your own private promise to each other and to the Lord.

Other resources available are Too Close, Too Soon by Jim Talley and How To Help Your Child Say “No” To Sexual Pressure by Josh McDowell.

****Teens4Jesus would like to thank Dr. Johnsen for granting us permission to use this article on our site. .****

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