Psalms 139:23 Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.
When I first read this verse I wondered what was meant by “test me.” It seemed out of place with the “search me” and the “know me” portions. But after reading more, praying for the Holy Spirit to reveal the meaning, and looking through some commentaries, I had a better understanding.
David was not asking God to test him in the sense of a trial or challenge. Rather, this is testing as in showing impurities or imperfections. One example I read referenced the work of refiners who would test the metals to determine the imperfections. This made the verse much easier to understand, in my opinion.
David was asking God to search him and determine the imperfections in him, including those anxious thoughts. He didn’t ask this to reveal it to God because God already knows. Instead he wanted God to reveal it to him, so he could change things and make improvements. We are the worst when it comes to following our hearts and believing them. But we know from Jeremiah 17:9 that our hearts are deceitful and wicked. We do not need to be following our hearts. And our minds can be equally toxic. Look at the things we say to ourselves, the lies we tell ourselves, the lack of trust we have that is manifested through anxiety. We NEED to be made aware of these impurities. Otherwise our deceitful hearts and angst ridden minds will leave us crippled spiritually and in some cases, physically. I know sometimes my anxiety is so bad I can’t do things. If you have ever feared public speaking and had to give a speech, you know how hard it is to walk up in front of people.
Are you aware of the things causing your anxiety? Do you know your triggers? What impurities do you need brought forth from testing? This psalm might be your next memorization verse and your prayer. I know I am adding it to my prayer journal so that I can begin praying it daily.
Once you have discerned the triggers and God has revealed your impurities and imperfections, then what? Then you choose to make changes! Not sure how? You’re already doing it! You are here, reading through this month’s devotions. Cast your anxieties on Him (1 Peter 5:7) and let Him sustain you (Psalms 55:22). Trust in God to carry you through the trials.
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