Author of Time for a Pure Revolution
By Kelvin Oliver
T4JYM: What is a Pure Revolution?
DH: We all know what the Sexual Revolution is; Free Love and Free Sex. But the problem is that it wasn’t free – somebody had to pay the price. And the people paying the price today are our teens and children. It’s time to revolt against the sexual revolution and offer a new revolution of purity. A Pure Revolution!
And is this just for teens? No way! A pure revolution applies to young children and adults – married or single – as well. Sure. For instance, if you’re married and you are at a conference away from your spouse for three days, what do you want them to practice while you’re gone; abstinence or “safe sex?” Uh huh. Thought so. A pure revolution offers abstinence and purity as “faithfulness training.” And it’s a whole-life-approach to purity that applies to every age group.
T4JYM: Time for a Pure Revolution is the companion book to Come Clean. Who is the intended audience for each book, and how do you see the books working together?
DH: Come Clean is specifically written to teens aged 12-18. It is edgy and very powerful. With the gripping true stories lining the pages, you can’t help but get pulled into the book. They love the self-tests and chapters for guys or girls only! Come Clean is also biblically sound and medically accurate – a perfect tool for every teenager in your youth group. I’ll have my daughter’s boyfriends read it, trust me!
But wait, what good is that if we don’t help the parents out too? Purity is a family issue too, just look at the divorce rate. For the first time, we have a purity book for parents! Time for a Pure Revolution is the companion book to Come Clean. While the teens are engrossed in their book, parents and adult leaders can get more facts, more data, more depth of research, and adult-specific information and strategies to implement a pure revolution in their homes, churches, and communities. When teens finish their book, parents will have a huge resource of information from which they can haven incredible discussions about life, sex and sexuality, and their culture. Together, these books are an amazing tag-team!
T4JYM: How will parents be equipped to talk with their teenagers about sex after reading this book?
DH: There are many books dealing with “how to talk to your teens about sex.” This one is different in several ways. First, it brings a new biblical look at sexuality and gives the “why” behind God’s “no.” You see, we all know that God has said “no” to sex outside marriage. But why? Pat answers fail this younger generation. (For Example: Why DID Adam and Eve cover their reproductive organs when the disobedience was from eating fruit? Why not cover their mouths? Why was the worship of Baal so wrong? And why did Joseph practice abstinence while married to Mary, Jesus mother?)
In this book, not only will you see the biblical foundations of purity, but parents will also learn about the sexual teen culture today, about the dynamics of intimacy and connectedness, the unfair consequences that can occur from sex outside a faithful marriage, and simple ABC guidelines to reconnect with their teen and communicate effectively. This is much more than a “how to” discussion guide!
T4JYM: Regarding the chapter of your book entitled, “What Teens Wish Parents Knew About Sex and Love,” what are some of the issues teens face of which parents are ignorant?
DH: LOL Well, obviously our parents know something or we wouldn’t be here! (Oh, apologies for that mental picture!) Teens tell me that the biggest thing they want parents to know is that how their parents act and live is crucial to the respect and example of purity at home. Dad, how you talk, dress, stare at a commercial, or what internet sites you linger in deeply affects your credibility. Also, they want you to be aware of their culture’s challenges (but they don’t always want to tell you) so that you realize it’s different than when you were a teen. Very different.
T4JYM: What are some of the real facts about STD’s that parents don’t know?
DH: In 1950 we knew of a handful of sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Today we have 25 categorized sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), one of which has 75 strains of that virus alone! While one in 32 sexually active adults would contract an STI in 1967 (remember the phrase “VD?”), today one in four sexually active teens will contract an STD – one in three by the age of 25. The problem is, most infected people don’t know they are infected. Many bacterial infections cause sterility – that means No Grandchildren. Yet the majority of these infections are viral, not bacterial, meaning they are “noncurable.” While we know of HIV, few realize that one in five Americans carries genital herpes. It is a major cause of increased infection rates for HIV. And while HPV (human papillomavirus) can cause genital warts, it has been associated with the cause for cervical cancers among women. Every year, more women die from cervical cancer in America than HIV/AIDS. (Where is their red pin? I’ll bet no one told you this!) And the most cancerous strains of HPV are non-wart causing. You can’t see it.
T4JYM: What is the “line that teens should never cross”?
DH: Now, I have a young daughter too. So this is personal and there are many lines I could come up with. But concerning physical safety and STD transmission it is simple. The line you should never cross is…the TAN LINE! That’s right, don’t cross the tan line. ‘Cause hey, if the sun doesn’t touch it…no one else’s son better touch it either! LOL
That fun slogan is a great way to remember “how far is too far.” But seriously, ANY genital contact of ANY kind is high risk. YES, you can contract gonorrhea or herpes from oral sex. YES, you can contract HIV from oral sex. YES, you can contract HPV from oral sex. Even with correct and consistent use of a condom (which is rare) sex outside of a faithful marriage is never “safe.” Never.
It is very simple: Keep your clothes ON.
(For more details on how and why this is not safe, read the books Come Clean and Time for a Pure Revolution)
T4JYM: You say in your book that “the best way to prevent any ‘risk behavior’ in teens is for parents to be connected to their teens and to clearly communicate their position on these risk behaviors.” How can parents connect with their teens to have these types of conversations?
DH: First, let me share briefly a key truth. In the mid 90s, a government-based study was done that revealed the number one influence in a teen’s life to prevent risk behaviors (including drug/alcohol abuse, teen violence, sexual activity, tobacco use, and juvenile delinquency). Do you know the result? No, it wasn’t faith (although that ranked up there.) And nope, it wasn’t media, peer pressure, or school (although they also scored high). Parents listen. The NUMBER ONE INFLUENCE in a teen’s life today to prevent risk behaviors was PARENTS! Yeah!! You are still the greatest advocate for youth today. No one can plan to take away your parenthood, ability, or influence. (We hope that makes you feel great!) This is called “parent connectedness.”
Now, of the thousands of teens interviewed, they also defined what “parent connectedness” meant. It wasn’t that you are home with them all the time or give them gifts. Instead, it was parents who exhibited concrete actions that showed that they care. Memorize that! Concrete actions…that showed.
Regardless of how connected you feel you are to your teen, you need to work on that bridge from your heart to theirs. Just remember the “ABCs” that we at Pure Revolution promote:
A = Awareness of teen culture and Accurate information.
B = Build a Bridge of connection from your heart to theirs.
C = Communicate Content once you cross the bridge.
It’s easy to be “preachy” and it’s tempting to thunder “because God (or I) said so, that’s why!” But teens today need more than that. Building a bridge of connection is vital. Lead with your heart on this one! (Yes, it’s risky.) But with a sense of connection in place you can then cross the bridge and share with them your passion.
You need quality content also. Check our Resources, Statistics, and Articles often to stay informed. If you haven’t subscribed to our newsletter at www.PureRevolution.com, now would be a great time.
There are several questions that surface here. The book for adults Time for a Pure Revolution (Tyndale, 2004) goes into great detail helping you navigate these! Our Discussion Center helps you interact with other parents who face similar challenges; some in the midst of it now, and others who’ve come through it!
Don’t lose hope! You are STILL the top influence in your teen’s life.
T4JYM: Why is it so important for parents to face purity issues with their teens as soon as possible?
DH: I strongly believe that having “the talk” is a bad idea. This should not be a one-time event, it should be a series of healthy conversations beginning at a young age and continuing when your children are raising their own. All conversations should be framed in this simple context; sex is about life.
You see, sex in God’s design of marriage brings life; the expression of life in marriage and the conception of life. Outside of that context it can only bring loss and death. Share how God is a God of life, not death. Sex and our sexuality are a wonderful part of God’s life for us. There is nothing to be ashamed of. With this foundation, our young children will know when something that smells of “death” crosses their path at school. They need the healthy foundation today!
If you have teens and have not faced this issue, today is the day! They are living in a sex-saturated culture that offers illusions of life and love, but the realities are death and loss. Trust me, they will love you in the long run if you lead with your heart and offer them life today. But lead, you must.
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