By: Annagail Lynes
I haven’t spoken to my father in fourteen years. I don’t miss him, but I do miss the concept of having a physical father that I can go to with my problems and who I can run to when I need someone to protect me. I miss the person he could be with me. The times he helped me with my homework. The times he bought me a milkshake when my stomach hurt. The times when he brought me home a green slush. The problem was that these times were not the norm. They were the exception. Finding him in a good mood was a rarity.
Our house was usually a three-ring circus. When we heard his car, we scattered to our rooms. Then we waited to see what kind of mood he was in. Was he screaming and hitting things? Or was he happy and helpful? Patched-up holes in the bedroom doors, dents in the car hoods from where he hit it, rooms that looked like a tornado hit were just a reminder that we lived with a manic depressive.
And what Dr. Phil says – that screaming in front of the children changes who they are – is right. To this very day, when I hear screaming, when I have to confront someone, I get sick to my stomach, and I just want to curl up in a ball and cover my head with a blanket. It has hindered me from being all I can be.
To say I have issues with my father would be an understatement.
But I am no longer angry with him. Being angry with him is unproductive and doesn’t serve a purpose. And above all, it keeps me from being the person God created me to be.
At some point you have to realize that yes, you are a product of your mother and your father, but it is your choice whether you want to be like them or not. You are an unique individual with your own life. And you can be like your parents or like God. The choice is yours.
I thought I could never forgive my father. Once I learned the secret to forgiveness, it didn’t seem like such a hard task. Want to know the secret? Forgiveness has nothing to do with your feelings. Just like everything else in life, forgiveness is a choice and must be done by faith.
So how do I do that, you might be thinking. You make a choice to forgive your father. You take an empty chair and sit across from it. Pretend the chair is your father. Now tell him why you are mad at him. Spell it out in detail. Then raise your hands to heaven and declare, “Lord, I choose to forgive my father by faith. I commit him to you. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.”
Let me warn you: it is going to feel like you haven’t forgiven him. You will still feel angry with him. Your feelings haven’t caught up with your decision to forgive him yet. In time, they will, so don’t worry about it.
Then just as you replace an old habit with a new one, you need to replace your father image. I am not talking about getting rid of your father. Nor am I suggesting that you stop working on your relationship with your father.
But did you know that you have a Heavenly Father who loves you? One who sent His only begotten Son to die on the cross for your sins and rose Him from the dead. He loves you so much that He refused to let you go to hell without giving you the choice to accept Jesus as your Saviour.
If you have accepted Jesus into your heart, then you are God’s child by adoption. You are adopted into God’s family. And as His child, you are entitled to all the rank and priviledges that comes along with it. More than that, though, you are entitled to a relationship with God. Not only are you entitled, God wants to have a relationship with you. Think about that for a moment: the Creator of the Universe wants to have a relationship with you.
The question is do you want to have a relationship with Him. Do you want to talk to Him every day? Do you want to discuss your problems with Him? Do you want to run to Him when you have a crisis?
If you do, you need to start by talking to Him everyday. Not about your problems, but what is going on in your life. You get to know a person by talking to them, by spending time with them. It’s no different with God. Talk to Him like you would your father or best friend. By doing this, you are getting to know God and starting a relationship with Him that will last a lifetime and beyond.
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