By: Annagail Lynes
Ethan and I been talking on the phone every day. After school, at night. We went places together, we dated briefly and laughed all the time… until he asked me to have sex with him.
I was thirteen, and he was fourteen. The summer right before we entered high school. I told him “No.” As far as I was concerned, no meant no and that there should have been no more discussion about it. Imagine my surprise when he pressured me for an explanation.
“I’m not ready yet,” I provided because I knew it was the right thing to do according to my upbringing.
I wish that years later when faced with the same question that I had been strong enough to say no.
I knew that sex outside of marriage was wrong, but I didn’t know why. The guy and I were going to be together forever, I thought. We were even engaged, so why not have sex? What was the harm? I learned the hard way why when you are a teen, it is too early to have sex.
I was at the end of my teens, but I was still a teen. And what should have been a wonderful experience has become what I feel is the biggest regret of my life. Was the guy mean to me? No, he was good to me. Didn’t call afterward? No, we were together for years afterward. Did I get pregnant or contract a STD? No. Then how can I say that it was my biggest regret? Because of the way sex affected me emotionally and mentally.
But I read an article on the Internet that suggested that more teens are saying no to sex because of a host of other reasons. Reasons like STDs, pregnancy and religious beliefs. Of those who cited religious beliefs as their reason for not having sex, I wonder how many of them know why premarital sex is frowned upon in the Bible, why it is a sin. If you are going to give a reason, I think you should have the information, the why, to back it up.
“God wants you to live a pure life. Keep yourselves from sexual promiscuity” (1 Thessalonians 4:3 MSG)
Was God just trying to be mean when He said to keep yourself from sexual promiscuity? Was He trying to take the fun out of life? He was more like a blinking sign on the freeway that states “Caution: Danger Ahead.”
In this case, when God says promiscuity, He is referring to any sexual act outside of marriage. Premarital sex, affairs, etc.
His reasons are not to preventing you from having fun but to protect you from being hurt physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Sex is to be set aside for marriage because it requires a total emotional commitment from both the husband and the wife. Waiting until you are married, rewards you with true fulfillment, dignity, maturity, and above all, God’s blessing. There is only one “first” time for everyone. Don’t despair if you have already lost your virginity, you can still commit yourself to abstinence until you are married.
Emotionally, pre-marital sex prevents you and your girlfriend/boyfriend from building the trust you need as the foundation to your relationship. Waiting allows you the opportunity to develop a strong friendship. Getting to know each others’ interests, fears, and dreams. If you have sex before you are married, your self-esteem will plummet because you will have lost respect for yourself and will feel ashamed before God. Because sex becomes the focus, your communication with your girlfriend/boyfriend will fail. Sex bonds the couple together; they become one. Breaking up is difficult and will leave emotional scars that only God can heal. Sex outside of marriage will also take the “specialness” out of sex when you do finally marry.
Spiritually, sex outside of marriage is a sin. As you harbor sin in your life, you will stop praying. You will stop reading the Bible. When you sit in church, you might feel guilty, having flashbacks of your boyfriend. Your relationship with God suffers. God cannot be a part of your life if you are habitually sinning against Him.
In “Teens Speak Out…,” Josh McDowell outlines God’s three-step plan for marriage in Genesis 2:18-25. “Leave the child relationship with your parents; then cleave, or totally commit yourself to your mate; and then become one flesh sexually, mentally and spiritually in service to God.” He concludes that “And being anywhere outside God’s plan is sin.”
How do you save yourself for marriage? Lorina, a teen who goes to church at Christian Fellowship Church, answered, “By personal choice and God’s help.” First of all, start praying for the future mate that God has for you. Before going on a date, pray. You should make praying a part of your preparation, just like combing your hair. Make your standards clear to your date from the beginning. If you get into a situation that you aren’t sure about, pray, ask yourself what Jesus would do, and listen to your inner voice.
Now that you know why sex outside of marriage is wrong according to God, what are you going to say the next time someone pressures you for sex?
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