Lonely Hearts

by Trisha Bleau Smith

Many people struggle with loneliness. They long for a boyfriend or girlfriend to call their own. They long for the companionship that comes from dating someone. Their hearts break when they begin dwelling on the problems they have such as loneliness. I struggled with loneliness quite a bit through junior high, high school, and college and wanted to share my story.

When I was younger I had a hard time with being single. I was in fifth grade when I first discovered boys and from that point on I wanted a boyfriend. I would focus in on someone that I liked (and I honestly have no clue what attracted me to them most of the time) and would practically drool over them for months on end. I wanted more – but never got it. Why? Because God had other plans for me.

I was lonely. I wanted to have companionship. I wanted love. I wanted someone who I could hang out with, talk to, share with, dream with, hold hands with, kiss… I wanted to be close with someone and feel loved. My heart longed for this – yet I couldn’t find it. And so it broke. I would spend some days in terrible loneliness where the only way I could get rid of it was to sleep. I journaled a lot to get my emotions out, and daydreamed even more.

I did not have my first boyfriend until I was a junior in high school. What a learning experience that was. We were only together for a month before we broke up. We broke up because I was not ready for a relationship, no matter how much I tried to convince myself of that fact otherwise. I was not able to handle other girls talking to him and was jealous. I had daydreamed so much that I had set up the perfect relationship in my mind and could not obtain it in real life.

I did not have another boyfriend until my first year in college. I got involved in a relationship that was not good. My boyfriend at that time was bisexual. I knew this up front. He was also learning about Wicca and talked a lot about Satan worship (the two of which are in no way related mind you – please don’t make that association. He was obviously confused as to what he was looking for and was grasping at anything.). He called me his light side and him my dark side. It was not a healthy relationship and didn’t last too long because we were so different. We got together on Valentine’s Day because we were both lonely… not the basis for starting a relationship.

For the rest of my college career I did not experience any dating or love. I longed for more and could not find it. I felt God was preparing my heart for marriage – but I was devastated because I wasn’t even dating anyone. I knew God was working on me because everywhere I turned I learned more and more about love, about relationships, about how a marriage should work. But I was still unable to find what I was looking for. And my heart broke because of it.

When I moved home from college and began my career I faced extreme loneliness. I had left all of my friends a few years earlier to go to college and had lost connections with them. I then made tons of friends in college but had to leave them when I moved home and began working. I had developed such close friendships with the people from college and with one guy in particular. I was smitten with him and really wanted more to develop. But lo and behold, my heart broke once more when I realized that my friendships were dying off due to distance. I eventually lost all contact with these dear friends as well.

I then became involved in a long and unhappy string of dating. I began venturing in to the world of internet dating. I had never dated before – I had the two boyfriends, but beyond that I had no experience with dates. I met some real doozies out there…. Had some bad experiences and met some real weirdos in the process. But I learned a lot.

Through it all though my heart was still lonely. I still longed for more. My maturity level changed and I grew up a lot during the years, but I still longed and prayed for God to give me the desires of my heart. I was devastated that I was alone and feared being alone forever.

But God is faithful and He provides. I am now happily married and we are planning to start a family this next year. The desires of my heart are being met finally. I didn’t understand that I had to wait on God and develop that relationship with Him first. I had to work on the vertical relationships before the horizontal relationships would fall in to place. It was a lesson that was long in learning but valuable.

I now use my experiences with the intense loneliness and longing to help other people in the same boat. I can share how I managed to get through and help them to find ways to move through their own lonely days and nights. It does not have to be a burden and it doesn’t have to be borne alone. Simply talk to people if you are also feeling the intense loneliness of being single.

Some ways that I learned to cope with the intense loneliness I felt:

1. Journaling – Write out what you are feeling. Write it out in detail and then write out what you would like to do instead. Don’t focus in on JUST being lonely – you will find yourself wallowing in self pity if you do. Write out your feelings then brainstorm some ideas on how you might make friends, find something to take time away from focusing on it, etc.
2. DO something – Do something other than sitting there and thinking on it. Go out and find your friends. Dance, sing, read, run, bicycle, drive around town and laugh at people, go to the mall and people watch, talk on the phone, go to the movies, but DO something. Take your mind off of what you are dwelling on and move forward.
3. Sleep – Sad as it might sound this was one of the best ways I got through lonely bouts. I went to bed early and let my dreams keep me entertained.
4. PRAY – Most importantly of all you need to seek God. Talk to Him. Tell Him what you are feeling – He already knows. Just share with Him and ask Him to help you. Let Him guide you and help you to overcome things that you face.

There are tons of ways to overcome the lonely hearts. These are only a few ideas. Use your imagination and see what God shows you.

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