By: Courtney Gilmour
The topic of sex has been brought to my attention countless times within the past week or so. Why? I’m not sure. Maybe it’s God’s way of telling me that I need to refresh my memory on what He says about it. As a Christian, it’s very easy to be brought up knowing the “do’s” and “don’ts” of life and then later on when a certain issue arises, you immediately spew out “THAT’S WRONG!” with nothing to back it up, because you don’t remember why it’s right or wrong. It just is, in your mind, that’s what you’ve been taught. And that’s why I’m grateful for the opportunity I’ve had the past few days to do some scriptural research on this and talk to people in leadership who have more experience teaching in this area. While someone’s little episode provided some motivation for this entry, I had been planning it for a while now, because it’s come up in recent conversations with other friends as well. I find it interesting and at the same time disturbing that many of the Christians I know start off with this amazing faith and longing to serve God and commit their lives to following Him, yet when they’re faced with challenging decisions and things they want to do, that’s the last thing on their mind until they feel like picking it up again. It’s called picking and choosing, and I’m guilty of it too. But it’s sad to see people alter their opinions and beliefs because of the rest of the world’s influence. It honestly makes me sad. I’m not giving myself credit for anything, or trying to be “holier than thou”, but I think it’s time for me to remind myself of what I believe and why I believe it. Bryan and I were briefly talking the other day about moral standards and how I need to be understanding of the fact that other people might not set certain values as high on the priorities list as I do. And I’m in complete agreement with that, and sometimes I don’t think about it, I expect everyone to have the same moral standards as I do. For example, prayer. I pray about practically every decision made in my life, and that’s very important to me. But to another Christian, maybe they don’t see it as necessary for absolutely everything.
However. There is a big difference between personal moral standards and God’s moral standards. There are expectations He has for us that are clearly given in His word that aren’t matters of opinion or different for everybody depending on what they feel is good for their well being. They are direct, and not just for God’s benefit or for the sake of filling up space in the Bible, they’re meant to be followed, taken seriously, and prayerfully considered. And most importantly, they’re for our own good. So many people think of it as a “bunch of rules”, and when I really think about it, yeah, sometimes it seems that way. But everything God sets for us is to keep us safe, in the palm of His hands, and away from evil and temptation. Compared to where we could be, what we could be doing, and whose guidelines we could be following, it’s a lot better this way, and the reward is greater too. So back to the original basis of this entry-a taboo subject-sex. I was talking to a guy friend of mine the other day who happens to be a Christian too, and because he is a typical male, (lol) we landed on this area. According to him, it’s not as black and white as it’s made out to be. He thinks that casual sex is wrong, but if he were seriously in love with a girl and sure they were meant to be, sex would not be a conflict to him. Which brings me to scriptural references that are more clear about sex than people realize, or are willing to let on. Firstly, a few things need to be covered. A common reason why people believe sex to be an indirect “grey area” in the Bible, is because modern translations use the word “sexual immorality” rather than flat out saying “premarital sex”, so they think that sexual immorality only includes adultery, prostitution, homosexuality, etc. Older translations though use the proper word “fornication” derived from the Greek “porneia”, which denotes a wide range of other meanings as well including adultery, bestiality, etc. And although the word is used for other connotations, there are numerous passages in the Bible where “porneia”, fornication, (which is sex outside of marriage whether it is in the realms of adultery or just someone you’re not married to) is clearly used to describe premarital sex, and not other forms of sexual sins. The phrase “Sexual Immorality” was added to newer translations because they didn’t think that Fornication covered enough of the basis of sexual immorality. “Sexual Immorality” is like a blanket word used to cover many different sexual sins. For whatever reasons they decided to use this word, the meaning is still the very same. Fornication is still fornication.
First, in 1 Corinthians 7:2 Paul says, “Because of the temptation to immorality (porneia), each man should have his own wife and each her own husband.” In other words, BEFORE you marry you are tempted to porneia. The sin in view is not adultery, but premarital sex. In the preceding chapter (6:18) Paul says this is to be shunned: “Flee immorality.” To me, that’s clear enough to just shut the books and be satisfied. But since I enjoy rambling, I’ll continue on with every other example I’ve recorded. Again, this is something for me to look back on, and for my own benefit as a Christian, so that I can be prepared when this subject comes up again. “Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect.” (I Peter 3:15- Still working on the gentleness part myself). Secondly, in Matthew 15:19 Jesus says, “Out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, fornication (porneia). . .” Notice how adultery is listed along side this word porneia and so it is different from it. Jesus goes on to say that these are the things that defile, and in Hebrews 13:4 the same coined word, “undefiled”, is referred to how the bed of a married couple should be, “honored by the husband and wife, pure and undefiled”.
Thirdly, this is to clarify the use of “porneia” (and this is the most interesting verse to me, I hadn’t given it previous thought) in John 8:41 Jesus is in a heated discussion with the Jewish leaders. Jesus pushes them so hard to recognize their own inconsistencies that they resort to an “ad hominem” argument and they say, “We were not born of fornication!” The word is porneia and the point is: ‘WE weren’t born that way YOU were.’ In other words… they are calling Jesus a bastard, because everybody knew that Mary and Joseph were not married when Mary became pregnant. And so since they did not believe in the miracle of the virgin birth, the popular rumor was that Jesus was an illegitimate child of Mary. The only point I want to make from this is that the word for “fornication” in John 8:41 is the same as the one in Matt. 15:19 and 1 Cor. 7:2, and in all these texts the meaning is premarital sexual relations.
So with all this in mind, I don’t see how anyone who follows Christ could possibly believe that sex isn’t a big deal to God. There are still people who argue over the translations and the root meanings and blah blah…..it’s endless, but all I can say to that is…..if someone is truly convinced that God’s will excludes all kinds of sexual sins except for premarital, especially after reading all these passages which have been nothing but blatantly clear, I think that’s just naive. Sex was designed by God to be an emotional bond between people, not just physically but spiritually-(Matt 19:5-6, 1 Cor 6:12-20)-it is to literally become “one flesh” with the other person, and if it is done before the two are joined in the appropriate sanctity of marriage, then it assumes the physical oneness before the spiritual oneness, which is the commitment of marriage. It’s literally putting the “cart before the horse”, so to speak.
That’s a lot coming from a ditzy girl like me. Sometimes I just get tired of the mediocrity among Christians. It’s not my place or responsibility to judge or preach to anyone, but when I see people all of a sudden becoming so laidback about their faith, it encourages me to at least TRY to set an example and remind myself of why I believe what I do. We live in a world of “do what feels good to you”, “do what you think is right for yourself” rather than what GOD thinks is right for you, and I don’t ever want to be a part of that. If I somehow end up being the only girl on the planet with this kind of mindset, I won’t care, because I have strong convictions and I refuse to give them up because they’re not appealing to anyone else. I’m not a True Love Waits girl out of my own preference, I am because I know it’s the right thing to do. It’s hard, yes, sometimes seemingly unfair. But we need to trust that God’s purposes and reasoning are not fit for OUR comprehension. And if we choose to overlook what He says, we’re making room for temptation and indecision. And those are things that Satan loves to feed off of. He wants us to be mild and mediocre, so that he can step in and fill our heads with lies. I, for one, am way too stubborn a girl to let that happen. This isn’t to say that sex before marriage is a bigger mistake than any other, God doesn’t look at mistakes on different levels, but they do have different consequences in life that make bigger impacts. That’s why I can’t stand to see my friends risk themselves for something that just isn’t worth the sacrifice.
Everyone wants to know what God’s will for their life is. We talk about it, we pray about it, we sing about it. How many times have you heard, or said yourself, “God, I just want things to work out according to your Will”? Once he reveals part of that Will, it’s sometimes hard to accept and we might even shrug it off like it’s not important. Until, of course, we’re in need again and we want “to know His will”. This passage gives us a clear view of a portion of God’s will, and that is for us to be sanctified. Not just a suggestion, or a kind request, it’s what you’ve been searching for–His will for your life. To control our bodies in a way that’s holy and honorable to Him. This is mentioned more than once in the Bible, and it applies to a lot more than just sexual immorality. When we commit ourselves to Christ, our bodies are not our own, they are instruments used to serve Him in all our actions. Anything we do, or consume, expose ourselves to…is what should be holy and honorable. An easy way to remind yourself of this if you’re ever overwhelmed with temptation (and we often are because let’s face it…sex, drugs, alcohol, it’s all around us, everywhere, and generally accepted.) is to think: Is what I’m about to do right now going to make God proud of me? Is He looking down on me right this very second with an approving smile? And most importantly….the return of Jesus will be unexpected, at any time. With that in mind, what would He say or think if He were to walk in on me now? Could I be confident enough in my actions and in myself to look my Savior directly in the eye at this very moment, engaging in whatever it is I’m doing, and know that this is truly right?
If the answer to any of these questions is no, then I can assure you that whatever choice you were planning on making, is not worth the trouble. Try re-arranging your thought pattern to those questions next time, see how much clearer your perspective will be!
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